Neglecting this blog

I have been neglecting this blog the last few days because to be honest, I am in the " I hate the Army mode". I didn't feel that I was in a state of mind to be blogging because I might write something that I don't care to "put out there".  I would hate to write something that I would later regret.

Jim has been working insane hours since he got home.  It's one of those, if I didn't see you in my bed I would think that you were not even here situations.  While I understand that they have things that they need to do to prepare for deployment, I feel that they also need to remember that there are families that just went one month without a Dad, and now you are taking him away again.  :::::BLAH:::::::

Monday started out with brifings all day.  He left for work, didn't come home for lunch, didn't get any phone calls (I am sure he didn't want to call and hear the heartbroken voices on the other end of the line) but I did get a few very annoying texts.  He finally came home that evening.  Yesterday I got a phone call at 12:00 p.m.  He is usually home by then.  It was Jim saying "oh wow I just saw what time it is when I got in my car, guess I can't make it home for lunch" .  Did you all hear that rumble around noon????  That was my eyes rolling in annoyance. I asked him when he would be home, he said that he hoped by 4:00.  4:00 rolls around, no Jim.  4:40, no Jim.  5:00 I finally called him.  He was doing paperwork and couldn't leav "anytime soon".  I informed him that I was feeding the kids but that I was going to school early to do homework with no distractions, and that he was on his own with the kids tonight in case he forgot.  Ok Cindy, I hope to be done in an hour.  I called at 6:30 because I had asked him if he would stop by my school on his way home, and I wanted to remind him.  No answer.  A few min later I got a text letting me know he was still working ::::sigh::::::: followed by a phone call just to "talk really fast".

I got home from class early last night around 9:00.  He informed me that he didn't leave work until almost 8:00 and he had to be into work at 5 am!  Seriously?  Yep, and I am not sure if I will be coming home we have more paperwork.  He then informs me that they are only allowed 15 days leave before he deploys.  15 days!  For those of you that do not know, that is not 3 weeks, that is 2 weeks one day because our "days" also count the weekends.  Sorry buddy you are leaving for another 14 months, we will NOT pay you the extra pay for every day over 365 days you will be gone, and we are only going to allow you 15 days with your family :::sigh::::::

So today, the Army is on my personal "naughty list" for the holiday's.

Two years ago

The deployment depression is starting to set in.  With my husband away right now, it is a sneak peak of what life is going to be like for another 14 months without him.  Since we have done this before I thought that it would be easier.  I thought that since I know what to expect that it would make good-bye alot less stressful since I will not be dealing with the unknown.  I wrong WRONG!

Because I know what deployment is like, I am terrified.  Not only for my husbands security, but because I know what my state of mind was like the last deployment. I know how hard it was to need a break, and there was no family to helw hard it.  Doing it alone is not easy.  I know that things will go wrong, and I know that I not handle all of it with a big smile and bells.

I have played out over and over in my mind if there was a way to prepare for all of the things that can and will go wrong.  If I can just play out all the scenarios enough times in my head, maybe when they happen they won't be so bad?  Maybe I can find a way to deal before it happens?  That also comes with it's downfalls because then you become paranoid of all those things.  Anticipate them happening because most likely they will, it is only a matter of time, right?

I have thought long and hard about things that would make this deployment easier.  Things that might help me, or other spouses along the way.  I have started a list.  A list of things that would help.  Some that I plan to take to the Army, others that family and good friends can do if they choose.

The first is meals and gift cards.  While I obviously don't expect meals and gift cards for 14 months, not having to cook even one night is a treat for me during deployment.  Some days you do not even want to get out of bed, much less cook dinner.  Cooking for my broad of 6 is alot of work.  Gift cards or meals that I can keep in the freezer to help me on those days would be awesome.

Another is a cleaning lady.  I have found someone that is local and not with a service so she is cheaper then say Merry Maids, and she does alot more.  Keeping my house clean while Jim is gone is very important to me.  I know it sounds silly, but I know that should something happen to my husband, it would be on the day that my house was trashed.  I know I know, keeping the house clean won't keep my husband alive, but it helps my sanity OK.  If a family member would like to help, $50 for a day of cleaning would be amazing to me!    That one day would give me a week of sanity.  Not having to scrub toilets, mop floors, dust!

The gift of not saying" I understand" because they don't.  My MIL is famous for saying that she understands what it is like to do it alone because my Father in law was gone alot for business alot when the kids were little.  I can tell you right now, this is the WORST thing that you can say to a spouse, EVER.  You do not understand.  You can't possibly "get it".  So, don't say it! 

The gift of just listening.  Should it be a 3 PM, or 4 AM.  If I need to cry, and I am scared, just being there.

I  have many more ideas, and I will post more later.  This is it for now.  I have to get it together and get my kids on the school bus (which is hopefully not late again today).

Because we know it will happen



and I just blogged about this,  I got up this morning to no heat!  Well technically the heat was running, but it was not warming my house.  UGH!  The coldest night so far of the season (and totally not normal for this time of year) it was 22 degrees outside.  It was 61then and it then got down to 59.  I wanted to cry.  I am not a cold kind of person.  Sadly the fireplace has yet to be cleaned, and we have almost no wood.  I decided to bring out my oil radiator, heat the livingroom that way, and decided that if we all had to sleep down here until my hubby made it back from training that is the way we would have to do it.  I refuse to call someone since my water leak last ygoear that ended up costing me a total of $900. 

So, after avoiding the heat issue all day, I decided to have a look at it.  I opened up the furnace area, and shut off the power.  Come to find out there was a loose wire.  I reconnected that, and as far as I know, it worked.  My house had warmed up thanks to the weather and the radiator, so I had to jack up the heat to test it out.  My house got up to 74, so I am praying that it was thanks to the heat working and not the radiator and the kitchen because I was cooking at the time.

So, I made it through (hopefully).  The test will be tonight while we sleep.  Hopefully I won't wake up to alot of cold air in my house again!