The deployment depression is starting to set in. With my husband away right now, it is a sneak peak of what life is going to be like for another 14 months without him. Since we have done this before I thought that it would be easier. I thought that since I know what to expect that it would make good-bye alot less stressful since I will not be dealing with the unknown. I wrong WRONG!
Because I know what deployment is like, I am terrified. Not only for my husbands security, but because I know what my state of mind was like the last deployment. I know how hard it was to need a break, and there was no family to helw hard it. Doing it alone is not easy. I know that things will go wrong, and I know that I not handle all of it with a big smile and bells.
I have played out over and over in my mind if there was a way to prepare for all of the things that can and will go wrong. If I can just play out all the scenarios enough times in my head, maybe when they happen they won't be so bad? Maybe I can find a way to deal before it happens? That also comes with it's downfalls because then you become paranoid of all those things. Anticipate them happening because most likely they will, it is only a matter of time, right?
I have thought long and hard about things that would make this deployment easier. Things that might help me, or other spouses along the way. I have started a list. A list of things that would help. Some that I plan to take to the Army, others that family and good friends can do if they choose.
The first is meals and gift cards. While I obviously don't expect meals and gift cards for 14 months, not having to cook even one night is a treat for me during deployment. Some days you do not even want to get out of bed, much less cook dinner. Cooking for my broad of 6 is alot of work. Gift cards or meals that I can keep in the freezer to help me on those days would be awesome.
Another is a cleaning lady. I have found someone that is local and not with a service so she is cheaper then say Merry Maids, and she does alot more. Keeping my house clean while Jim is gone is very important to me. I know it sounds silly, but I know that should something happen to my husband, it would be on the day that my house was trashed. I know I know, keeping the house clean won't keep my husband alive, but it helps my sanity OK. If a family member would like to help, $50 for a day of cleaning would be amazing to me! That one day would give me a week of sanity. Not having to scrub toilets, mop floors, dust!
The gift of not saying" I understand" because they don't. My MIL is famous for saying that she understands what it is like to do it alone because my Father in law was gone alot for business alot when the kids were little. I can tell you right now, this is the WORST thing that you can say to a spouse, EVER. You do not understand. You can't possibly "get it". So, don't say it!
The gift of just listening. Should it be a 3 PM, or 4 AM. If I need to cry, and I am scared, just being there.
I have many more ideas, and I will post more later. This is it for now. I have to get it together and get my kids on the school bus (which is hopefully not late again today).
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